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Switch by ~sylvanheart:iconsylvanheart:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Human Nature > Open


sometimes,
my hand flutters against a wall, searching--
like a bird caught in a fish-bowl
smooth surface shocking, blank
fingertips unbelieving, breath strangling--
for the light just across the room.
©2008 ~sylvanheart
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Submitted: April 5
File Size: 313 bytes
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Comments: 7
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Author's Comments

Draft 2 (first is in scraps [link] .)

It's based off of the times I've walked into a room, tried to casually flip a light on, and the switch is not there. I've forgotten it's across the room or inches to the right. I still think the last line, and perhaps all of it, needs fixing.
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~hachi24:iconhachi24: Apr 5, 2008, 9:13:59 PM
no offense but for some reason i like the first version better

--
anime addict on the lose proceed with caution >.<
my writings [link]
my art [link]
Tsubasa Fan Club! --> [link]
~dirtofgrandeur:icondirtofgrandeur: Apr 5, 2008, 10:13:37 PM
Seems like there's a way deeper meaning here, but if it's really as simple as you claim it to be, then I find the dramatic tone amusing

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I believe in Jesus.

God gives me an inkwell called life, so I give you art. My writing isn't for attention, it's a blessing that keeps me sane.

"To be a poet...a man must be miserable or in love" - George Gordon, Lord Byron
*Blueskye27:iconBlueskye27: Apr 5, 2008, 10:31:35 PM
I like this very much, but I think I like the last line of the first version better.

--
***************************************
a member of enlightened poets

also a member of themarrowmovement
~kissablyliterate:iconkissablyliterate: Apr 5, 2008, 11:53:48 PM
I love the image created - a bird in a fish bowl; gives me a sense of desperate confusion. And that's totally the feeling; you come into a room, reach for the light, expect it to go on, and for that instant, you're disoriented and trapped in the dark. Beautifully captured.

--
"we're gonna stay eighteen forever, so we can stay like this forever. and we'll never have to listen to anyone, about anything. 'cause it's all been done, and it's all been said ... they're just jealous 'cause we're young and in love..." - brand new
=syersHasFEETS:iconsyersHasFEETS: Apr 6, 2008, 10:46:54 AM
The last line is the best one! It ties everything together ^.^

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If I had a nickle for every time I blinked, I'd be living on my own island by now.
~RoseGutts:iconRoseGutts: Apr 6, 2008, 12:07:58 PM
haha that's fun I would have never known what you were talking about if you didn't tell me

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i don't like the hot unless it's a boy
~iiNFATUATiiON:iconiiNFATUATiiON: Jun 23, 2008, 10:35:01 AM
I love how you made something so complicated out of something so simple and a experience that we all go through once or twice or more. ;]...Lovely.

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*RawEm0tion
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